And when you\u2019re able to gracefully let go, you may just find yourself with a renewed spirit and an open heart, ready to embrace the possibilities that lie ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How to get over someone<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Heartbreak doesn\u2019t reserve itself for long-term relationships. Oh no, it\u2019s democratic like that, sometimes hitting you hard over a crush or a platonic relationship that took an unexpected turn. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You might find yourself dwelling on \u201cwhat could have been.\u201d Nursing a broken heart comes with a side of frustration, especially when your well-intentioned friends just chant, \u201cGet over it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s face it, letting go<\/a> and bouncing back isn\u2019t as easy as flipping a switch. And an Eat, Pray, Love<\/em> kind of journey isn\u2019t on the cards for everyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Thankfully, you don\u2019t need to pull an Elizabeth Gilbert to learn how to get over someone with grace and resilience. Instead, Katherine\u2019s advice may just be the thing you need to heal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Love can leave the most significant imprint. And learning how to get over someone you love requires patience, understanding, and a conscious effort. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s what Katherine recommends doing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Heartbreak, unfortunately, comes with an uninvited guest: shame. And it is not the kind that knows when to leave. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Whether from societal pressure to find \u201cthe one\u201d or personal internalized beliefs about relationships, the end of a romance can leave you grappling with not-so-rosy feelings. But the reality is, society and age-old fairy tales of \u201chappily ever after\u201d were crafted in very different times and have contributed to this shame over centuries. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s these myths that often make people feel like a breakup is a personal failure rather than a normal part of life. And what Katherine points out in her Quest is, \u201cinside of our assumption that we have failed at love, we\u2019ve never actually taken on learning how to do this well<\/em>.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n The important takeaway here? You\u2019re not<\/em> defined by the end of your relationship with someone you loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight:<\/strong> \u201cWe are the believers in love. And because of this, we understand the value of learning how to make this very difficult transition consciously and in alignment with our true values. And not just those unexamined values that were handed to us by others<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBreakups are one of the most traumatic things that many of us will ever have to go through<\/em>,\u201d says Katherine. And that\u2019s why she advocates building an \u201cinner sanctuary of safety\u201d\u2014a calm space in your mind where you can escape from the turmoil and stress that come with ending a relationship. <\/p>\n\n\nWe\u2019re not really designed to separate well, and when we do, our brains and our bodies just go a little haywire. \u2014 @KatWoodwardThom <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n\n\n But how do you build this sanctuary? It starts with being able to name what you are feeling. And as a matter of fact, a UCLA study<\/a> found that recognizing and naming our emotions can actually reduce their impact, helping you maintain control in stressful situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, as you learn how to get over a breakup, remember to give yourself space and time to feel, to breathe, and to heal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight: <\/strong>\u201cThe very simple act of giving each feeling a name and just witnessing it with love, witnessing the part of you that\u2019s having that feeling with love, you\u2019re going to start to feel more contained and in charge of yourself again<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe shattering of a breakup holds the potential to catalyze huge leaps forward in your development because breakups are crossroads<\/em>,\u201d explains Katherine. \u201cYou\u2019re either going to have the biggest breakthrough of your life or you’re going to be tempted to dim down and begin to live a lesser life<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take Elizabeth Gilbert, for example. She transformed a period of heartbreak into a journey of self-discovery and personal evolution. And healing from a breakup<\/a> is your chance to turn pain into your own version of Eat, Pray, Love<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This process isn\u2019t just about mending a broken heart. It\u2019s an opportunity to turn that pain into a power-up<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight: <\/strong>\u201cContrary to popular belief, time doesn’t heal all wounds; we do. You want to set your sights on growing yourself beyond who you have known yourself to be before now<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Katherine, the pathway on how to get over someone gloriously leads to a committed relationship with none other than fabulous you<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\nOur next relationship will not begin when we meet our next partner, but with how we end with this one. \u2014 @KatWoodwardThom <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n\n\n The thing is, transitioning from grief to self-love involves deep introspection. Reflect on past relationships and understand how you might have mirrored the unsatisfactory behaviors of your partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And the groundbreaking part? By committing to treating yourself with the respect, love, and attention you deserve, you break the cycle of attracting partners who don\u2019t value you enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, seize this moment of heartbreak to nurture a romance with yourself. Be your hero, be your biggest fan, and most importantly, be your own reliable partner in crime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight:<\/strong> \u201cUntil you begin to look at how their disappointing behavior might be reflective of your own, then you’re going to be vulnerable to duplicate this same dynamic with someone new in the future. No one is ever going to be able to fix this for you until you fix this for yourself<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember in Eat, Pray, Love<\/em> where Elizabeth chooses to immerse herself in the pleasures of food and language simply because they delight her soul? She prioritizes her happiness, tuning into the deeper, blissful core of what Katherine refers to as the \u201cpower center.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n This means \u201cliving and loving from the deeper truth of who you are<\/em>.\u201d And when you recognize that you\u2019re spiraling and consciously choose, instead, to operate from your power center, you start to live with grace, wisdom, and strength. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s in this space that you embrace your true worth, laying a foundation where you can once again manifest love<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight: <\/strong>\u201cWhen these really big feelings come up in your body, you want to turn towards them from this deeper, wider center within you and just extend your love to that younger you that\u2019s suffering<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unrequited love<\/a> or a connection that never blossomed can still cause a broken heart. It’s essential to not undermine your feelings in such situations, as they are as real and valid as in any other relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s Katherine\u2019s advice on how to get over someone you never dated:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Letting go of a victimized perspective means rewiring how you narrate your breakup story. It\u2019s going to take you shifting the focus from blaming your ex to understanding your role in the dynamic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI like to say, even if it\u2019s 97% the other person\u2019s fault<\/em>,\u201d explains Katherine, \u201cthat you want to be really interested in your 3%.<\/em>\u201d That means taking a hard yet nurturing look at the choices you made that might not have served you well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019re not on a fault-finding mission here. No, you\u2019re on a journey to rediscover your power, understand your true value, and gift yourself a future where love\u2014devoid of resentment and full of self-trust\u2014exists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight: <\/strong>\u201cWhenever we’re blaming someone, ourselves included, we\u2019re not actually growing, because shame stunts development. So, to help you move beyond anger and resentment, so that your heart isn\u2019t in danger of healing a little too closed or a little bit too crooked and easily bruised moving forward, we\u2019re going to want you to begin to tell your story from a more nuanced and holistic perspective<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Getting hurt in a platonic relationship<\/a> can make you feel bad and start blaming yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine suggests a different approach: asking yourself questions that help you grow and learn instead of making you feel guilty. These are going to be ones like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n By adopting this thoughtful and kind approach, you create room for personal growth<\/a>. And this will allow you to foster healthier relationships in the future.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Wood Thomas\u2019 insight: <\/strong>\u201cThe moment you can tolerate seeing things as they really are and can hold the complexities of your own flawed humanity with a tender, humble heart, that\u2019s when your life can begin to radically change for the better<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s something called a \u201csource fracture story.\u201d It\u2019s the deep-seated narratives developed from past traumas and experiences that dictate your beliefs about love and self-worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In Eat, Pray, Love<\/em>, Elizabeth jumps right into a relationship with David after ending her marriage. This fling, more of a rebound than a real connection, is a prime example of her \u201csource fracture story,\u201d as she seeks someone to fix her rather than cultivating a healthy relationship with herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Understanding your own story is not about berating yourself for past choices. It\u2019s more like tidying up a room\u2014you acknowledge what’s there, decide what to keep, and then neatly organize everything to pave the way for a pleasant experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight:<\/strong> \u201cLiberation from your painful patterns in love will begin with identifying exactly what that source fracture story is that you created way back when. Because once you make it conscious, that\u2019s when you get to challenge that story, and then you can finally find the pathway to freedom beyond it<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a consistent theme here when it comes to learning how to get over someone you never dated\u2014and that\u2019s you<\/em>. And making amends is no different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After all, research shows that there are benefits to self-forgiveness<\/a>. The main ones are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you learn to stop giving power to others to determine your worth, you may just find yourself being more transparent about what you really feel, need, and desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight: <\/strong>\u201cIf you\u2019ve noticed that you tend to underpresent yourself\u2014pretending to be less than who you are because of some crazy notion that you\u2019re somehow too much and that if you were really just yourself that other people would get overwhelmed\u2014then your amends to yourself are to start giving yourself permission to take up space, to be your big, beautiful self, so that others can see who you really are<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A mishap in the romance department is obviously something that no one looks forward to. However, adopting a growth mindset can help you shift from an \u201cI don’t know how\u201d to a \u201cnot yet\u201d mindset. That\u2019s the perspective, as Katherine explains, that sees every difficult task that comes our way as \u201can opportunity to grow ourselves wiser and smarter<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Going back to Eat, Pray, Love<\/em>, Elizabeth\u2019s whole journey is about learning to embrace a growth mindset. It\u2019s something that helps her not only get over a divorce<\/a> but also find joy and balance in her life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s true that having this perspective opens you up to a vibrant journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. And while you don\u2019t have to take a trip yourself, allow yourself to explore the vibrant \u201cnot-yet\u201d potentials of your journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019 insight:<\/strong> \u201cAll of us here\u2014we\u2019re ever evolving. We are all capable of growing and developing ourselves in extraordinary ways. And we never again need to be held hostage by those things that we do not yet know<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The journey of getting over someone isn\u2019t linear, and the timeline can vary vastly from person to person. It\u2019s a bit like waiting for a pot to boil\u2014you know it will eventually, but the minutes can feel like hours. If you\u2019re itching for a clearer picture, science offers some interesting insights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is research out there that has tried to figure out exactly how long it takes to emotionally recover. A notable study<\/a> featured in the Journal of Positive Psychology<\/em> puts the mark at 11 weeks for nonmarital breakups. And when it comes to divorce<\/a>, another one found that it takes, on average, 17 months and 26 days. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But here\u2019s the reality: There\u2019s no one-size-fits-all answer, and that\u2019s perfectly okay. The heartache you\u2019re going through deserves the time and space it needs. And the most important thing to remember is, brighter days are on the horizon, no matter how long it takes to get there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a beautiful quote from Eat, Pray, Love<\/em> that goes like this: \u201cThis is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Heartbreak may have initiated this quest for how to get over someone. However, along the way, you may just find that within you lies the great potential for growth, joy, and love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The good thing is, you\u2019re not alone on this path; countless others have walked it, and support is readily available. If you desire further guidance and a wealth of resources, consider joining the Mindvalley community. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you sign up for a free account<\/strong>, you\u2019ll gain exclusive access to the first few lessons of Katherine Woodward Thomas\u2019s Conscious Uncoupling<\/em><\/strong> Quest<\/strong>, daily soul-nurturing meditations, and a supportive global network.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the end, healing isn\u2019t merely about moving on; it\u2019s about emerging as a stronger, more self-aware individual. As Katherine says, \u201cIn a nutshell, a breakup is nothing short of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a complete spiritual awakening<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So make it happen and welcome in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n — Struggling to move on? Discover how to get over someone and start anew with advice from relationship expert Katherine Woodward Thomas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":68752,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[2579],"series":[],"area-of-growth":[3421],"outcome":[3507],"featured":[3807],"coauthors":[329],"class_list":["post-25628","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-conscious-uncoupling","area-of-growth-love","outcome-healing-heartbreak","featured-op1"],"yoast_head":"\n\u2026you love<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n\n\n\n1. Release toxic breakup shame<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
2. Create your inner sanctuary of safety<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
3. Set your \u201cbreakup to breakthrough\u201d intention<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
4. Commit to your own life<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
5. Live from your power center<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
…you never dated<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n\n\n\n1. Let go of a victimized perspective<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
2. Ask more empowering questions<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\n
3. See your story clearly<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
4. Make amends to yourself<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\n
5. Embrace a growth mindset<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
How long does it take to get over someone?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nGreat love starts with you<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Images generated on Midjourney.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"