Being an adult has its challenges, no doubt. However, the reward is in knowing you\u2019ve done the best you can in your own personal growth. And getting to know more about self-regulation is one place to start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is self-regulation?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Self-regulation is a part of one\u2019s executive function\u2014emotional intelligence<\/a>, to be specific, which is the ability to notice, understand, manage, and regulate emotions. When all four work together, it\u2019s called self-regulation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You know when you\u2019re infuriated over something and you find ways to calm down instead of blowing up? That\u2019s one of many self-regulation examples out there. Others include being aware of strong emotions, controlling impulses, staying focused<\/a>, and behaving appropriately in social situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf, it encompasses emotional, behavioral, bodily regulation, and perspective regulation. In a nutshell, it allows people to manage their emotions and behaviors before acting on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Additionally, the self-regulation definition in psychology is quite similar. As per the American Psychology Association, it\u2019s \u201cthe control of one\u2019s behavior through the use of\u2026 <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n This skill isn\u2019t innate but is teachable\u2014its processes are often stressed in behavior therapy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And they\u2019re important to learn, especially when the going gets rough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The ability to cope with certain emotions, behavior, and thoughts, especially during stressful situations, plays a part in our relationships and overall well-being. Without it, as Dr. Leaf explains, \u201cwe basically throw our body and mind into disarray.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When self-regulation fails, reactions tend to be amplified. A 2011 a<\/a>rticle in the Trends in Cognitive Sciences journal points out that it fails \u201cwhen people are in bad moods, when minor indulgences snowball into full-blown binges, when people are overwhelmed by immediate temptations or impulses, and when control itself is impaired (e.g., after alcohol consumption or effort depletion).<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, people who can self-regulate tend to be more resilient with emotional agility<\/a>, which, in turn, benefits our mental and emotional health. In fact, one study<\/a> looking into self-regulation in older adults found that those with this skill had better psychological and physical health than those who didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While adults can greatly benefit from learning how to manage their emotions, it also serves as a model for their children to do the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If dealing with emotions is a big deal for adults, then it\u2019s a huge deal for children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When they\u2019re upset, angry, or even excited, their actions (or reactions, depending on the situation) may seem overboard, which can be overwhelming for us as parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, our children aren\u2019t to blame. They just haven\u2019t learned how to manage their emotions, especially the strong ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When that happens, it\u2019s hard for them to use their executive function skills. And that can make it difficult for them to listen, remember rules, and stay focused on any given activity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children with poor self-regulation skills can have emotional and behavioral problems, including being anxious, irritable, impulsive, destructive, or aggressive. One research paper<\/a> points out, \u201cAdolescents who do not regulate their emotions and behavior are more likely to engage in risk-taking and unhealthy behaviors.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the other hand, children who are able to self-regulate make healthy choices for themselves and those around them, according to Harvard University\u2019s Center on the Developing Child<\/a>. They state, \u201cWhen children have opportunities to develop executive function and self-regulation skills, individuals and society experience lifelong benefits.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you may be aware (especially during the pandemic), social interaction is incredibly important for mental health. It will also help your child foster a sense of belonging and safety, be happier, and learn to be a compassionate citizen of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While we may not have been taught how to self-regulate when we were younger, the great thing about being an adult is that we can learn how to do it now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As Nir Eyal<\/strong>, focus and habit formation expert and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s Becoming Focused and Indistractable<\/em> Quest, says, \u201cWhile we can\u2019t control the feelings and thoughts that pop into our heads, we can control what we do with them.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are some concrete strategies you can put in place for different scenarios.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The office environment is a melting pot where different personalities converge for at least eight hours a day, five days a week. And there\u2019s bound to be some emotional flare-ups.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s how you can check yourself before you wreck yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n It starts with self-awareness<\/a>, according to Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of best-selling Emotional Intelligence<\/em>, in a 2020 interview on Mindvalley Talks with Jason Marc Campbell. He explains, \u201cThat means simply tuning into what you\u2019re feeling, knowing why you feel it, and how it\u2019s affecting your performance.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The more in tune you are with your self-awareness, the better your emotional intelligence. You\u2019re able to appreciate your strengths and weakness. In turn, you can better identify your stressors and use the information to cope with the emotion more effectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How does this work in an office environment? <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLeaders who are self-aware can recognize when their emotions have a negative impact on their work or on the people around them,<\/em>\u201d Daniel explains in his article<\/a> on LinkedIn. \u201cThey are then better equipped to address it in an effective way, such as through creating opportunities for feedback, experimenting with different ways to motivate their team, or being more open to creative solutions.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n While you can always hope your co-workers will be able to manage their emotions and behaviors, you also have to be aware of your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whether or not you\u2019re aware of it, you\u2019re constantly using body language to express how you feel. When you\u2019re angry, upset, sad, irritated, silent, in love, happy, excited, or whatever the emotional behavior may be, your coworkers will pick up on the cues and respond in kind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s say you\u2019re already having a bad day, and you find out someone ate your packed lunch, even though you put a note on it that clearly states it\u2019s yours. You\u2019re fuming. And like Friends\u2019<\/em> Ross Geller, you just lose it. Your coworkers might try to calm you down, but their social skills aren\u2019t doing much to calm you down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s the idea that Daniel highlighted in the interview with Jason. He says, \u201cThe fact is, the brain carries your emotions everywhere you go, for better or worse. And it turns out<\/em>\u201d\u2014and as research<\/a> has shown\u2014\u201cthe best leaders, the best teams manage their emotions artfully.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can watch the whole interview on Mindvalley Talks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nThe importance of self-regulation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Why self-regulation is important for children<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n\n\n\n6 effective strategies for self-regulation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Self-regulation in the workplace<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
1. Cultivate self-awareness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
2. Be a model for self-regulation<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
4 Emotional Intelligence Skills for Success | Daniel Goleman – Video<\/em><\/h6>\n\n\n\n