{"id":59253,"date":"2022-02-17T22:07:03","date_gmt":"2022-02-17T14:07:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/?p=59253"},"modified":"2025-05-22T12:47:32","modified_gmt":"2025-05-22T11:47:32","slug":"healing-from-a-breakup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/blog\/healing-from-a-breakup\/","title":{"rendered":"Katherine Woodward Thomas on healing from a breakup, including science-backed evidence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Your breakup may have made you question your faith in love. But that doesn\u2019t mean that you\u2019re any less deserving of it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, when it comes to healing from a breakup, there are tons of useful tips on how to get over someone you love<\/a>. But is there any scientific evidence behind these words of encouragement? Interestingly, yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are five common pieces of advice on how to heal from a breakup and the science behind them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Let the feeling of shame go<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

With traumatic experiences, toxic feelings of shame, humiliation, failure, and social embarrassment often rise to the surface and take over our logical reactions. A breakup is no exception.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe feel shame at the end of a relationship because, culturally, we\u2019re all somewhat under the spell of the happily-ever-after myth,<\/em>\u201d explains Katherine Woodward Thomas<\/strong>, the author of the New York Times best-seller Conscious Uncoupling<\/em> and author of Mindvalley\u2019s Quest of the same name. And when those fairy tale expectations come tumbling down, many of us opt to withdraw into ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research has found that suppressing emotions is associated with high levels of depressive symptoms<\/a>. However, when there\u2019s greater acceptance of emotions, particularly in women, it leads to fewer depressive symptoms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing that can help is journaling, a habit that research<\/a> shows will increase positive emotions, including feelings of comfort, confidence, energy, happiness, optimism<\/a>, relief, satisfaction, thankfulness, and wisdom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Get up and move<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a well-known fact that exercise does your body good. But what benefits does it have for healing from a breakup? Apparently, a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While breakups can negatively affect your well-being, exercising<\/a> can help boost it back up. Its benefits include protecting against heart diseases, improving sleep, lowering blood pressure, and the release of the feel-good chemicals, endorphins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what\u2019s even more interesting is that regular physical activity causes the release of proteins called neurotrophic, which enable nerve cells to grow and make new connections. As a result, the improvement in brain function makes you feel better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether you\u2019re out to get a revenge body or just strolling for some fresh air, putting in a little extra effort to exercise can do wonders for your immunity in the long run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Lean on your tribe<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to breakups, different people have different defense mechanisms. Some might isolate themselves into a world of Netflix binge-watching with their friend Ben & Jerry\u2019s. Others might show up at every social event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the one thing we all \u2014 regardless if we\u2019re introverts, extroverts, or a little bit of both \u2014 need in a time of crisis is this: connection<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why? It goes back to the fact that humans are social animals. And according to neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman, Ph.D.<\/a>, getting more social is the secret to making us smarter, happier, and more productive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of his studies looked into social interactions in a classroom setting. The results show that when an individual is socially motivated to learn, their social brain can do the learning, and \u201cit can do it better than the analytical network that you typically activate when [they] try to memorize<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the context of healing from a breakup, having and maintaining social connections are important to overall life satisfaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s of no surprise, with research showing that good-quality relationships<\/a> with family and friends can help you find purpose and meaning, stay well, and live longer\u2026 and ultimately, healthily accept that the relationship is at its end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Katherine
Katherine Woodward Thomas, trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Uncoupling<\/em> Quest, with her husband<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

4. Design the love life you want<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When hearts are broken, we often visit Memory Lane in hopes we pinpoint where it all went wrong. Katherine suggests going to Future Avenue instead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her book, Conscious Uncoupling<\/em>, Katherine highlights:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA lot of our unhappiness that we’ve been trying to figure out and get to the source of by going and kind of looking at what happened to us in the past… I think actually the source of our unhappiness is that we’ve been out of integrity with the future that’s wanting to happen.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One research<\/a> looked into individuals\u2019 connection with their future selves from a financial perspective. Their results show that the participants who accumulated more assets were the ones who felt similar to their future selves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most, if not all, weren\u2019t taught how to attract deep, loving, authentic relationships. But the possibility is there. You just have to design the love life<\/a> you want to have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou really need to ask yourself:<\/em> \u2018Who am I willing to become to get the kind of relationship that I want?\u2019 That\u2019s hugely important,<\/em>\u201d explains Jon and Missy Butcher, authors of Mindvalley\u2019s Lifebook Online<\/em> Quest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when contemplating the aspects of love you wish to have, here are four points to keep in mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n