{"id":60314,"date":"2022-04-07T10:55:50","date_gmt":"2022-04-07T02:55:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/?p=60314"},"modified":"2025-06-06T16:57:46","modified_gmt":"2025-06-06T15:57:46","slug":"overcome-sexual-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/blog\/overcome-sexual-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"How to overcome anxiety in bed, according to sex experts Dr. Amy Killen &amp; Shan Boodram"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sex is not just one of the most exhilarating experiences one can have; it\u2019s also beneficial for your overall health and well-being.&nbsp;It reduces your stress levels, strengthens your ability to think, and even makes you look younger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yet, for some of you, it somewhat has the opposite effect.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When anxiety and sex are coupled together, sexual activity is nothing but a terrifying endeavor you want to avoid, despite all its benefits. It\u2019s called sexual anxiety, and between <a href=\"https:\/\/www.smr.jsexmed.org\/article\/S2050-0521(19)30074-5\/fulltext\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">9% to 25% of men and women<\/a> experience it in their intimate relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Luckily, there are scientifically proven solutions to overcoming sexual performance anxiety and reclaiming your sexual power. And when you learn how to overcome it, you may just find that getting under the sheets is more fun than you think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-is-sexual-anxiety\">What is sexual anxiety?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sexual anxiety is a fear-based response people develop due to negative past experiences, sexual dysfunctions, trauma, and stress. As a result, you can feel <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/heal-shame-and-trauma\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">extreme shame<\/a> and, at worst,&nbsp; avoid any sexual contact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s also known as sexual performance anxiety because it involves you doing it in front of another person, so it\u2019s related to <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-not-be-socially-awkward\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">social anxiety<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s completely normal to experience a small amount of it. After all, when you find someone sexually attractive, worrying a bit about your performance in bed is natural.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, sexual performance anxiety differs from person to person, or bed to bed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In men, it can cause issues with erections and ejaculation. In women, it can prevent arousal and orgasm, affecting the physical desire to make love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-are-some-common-worries-or-triggers-of-sexual-anxiety\">What are some common worries or triggers of sexual anxiety?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some common worries leading to sexual anxiety include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Poor body image (weight, body shape)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Past traumas<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Size of a penis<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Concern about ejaculating too early or taking too long to reach orgasm<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Anxiety about not being able to have an orgasm<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/fear-of-intimacy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Fear of intimacy<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For triggers of sexual performance anxiety, some common ones include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Work-related stress<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Problems in your personal relationships<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Financial stress<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Problems with your love life<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-stress-affects-your-libido\">How stress affects your libido<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anxiety is a state of mind\u2014when you are so stressed that you cannot focus on the given task. In the case of sexual anxiety, your mind is unable to focus on sex, which impacts your ability to get aroused.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.womenshealthmag.com\/sex-and-love\/a28761462\/dead-bedroom-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">study<\/a>, 51% of respondents reported <em>&#8220;dead bedrooms<\/em>&#8221; because of work stress. <em>&#8220;Dead bedrooms<\/em>&#8221; refers to a sexless relationship that can last anywhere from months to years.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Whether you have sexual anxiety or not, your body produces stress hormones that narrow blood vessels if you are stressed out. If you are a man, less blood flows into your penis, which makes an erection a challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In a popular Mindvalley podcast episode, <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcast.mindvalley.com\/how-to-have-amazing-sex-for-the-rest-of-your-life-amy-killen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Dr. Amy Killen<\/a><\/strong>, an anti-aging and regenerative medicine physician, explains that your mind is the largest sex organ and everything below starts in your brain. So the biggest sex killer is stress.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Having the right mindset is crucial if you want to have sex. This is why getting rid of stress factors in your work and life could be your biggest single solution to overcome sexual anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She recommends taking supplements to reduce stress and using mindfulness meditation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to John Gray, an American relationship counselor, men can overcome stress by watching their favorite sports. He says, <em>\u201cIf you allow your man to sit alone and watch their favorite TV show, it increases their testosterone. They are more resilient at work and in bed.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So his advice to you is to give your man some space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1456\" height=\"816\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/04\/93934be2-overcome-sexual-anxiety-mindvalley-blog-02-midjourney-seo-team.webp\" alt=\"A couple getting intimate\" class=\"wp-image-72751\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/04\/93934be2-overcome-sexual-anxiety-mindvalley-blog-02-midjourney-seo-team.webp 1456w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/04\/93934be2-overcome-sexual-anxiety-mindvalley-blog-02-midjourney-seo-team-768x430.webp 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1456px) 100vw, 1456px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-ways-to-improve-your-performance-in-bed\">4 ways to improve your performance in bed<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sexual performance anxiety isn\u2019t an official medical term, as it refers to a psychological response to having sex.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Apparently, by improving your performance in bed, you can alleviate your worries about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcast.mindvalley.com\/the-secret-to-being-unforgettable-in-bed\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Shan Boodram<\/a>, the Internet\u2019s most sought-after certified sex educator and relationship expert<\/strong>, shares three ways to improve your performance in bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Be authentic<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She says, \u201c<em>If you find yourself making the same sounds over and over, you aren\u2019t responding to each moment. Because each moment is unique.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So you want to be deeply attuned to every single moment and enjoy the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Recommended: <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-be-authentic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Your Naked Truth: How to Be Authentic (For Real)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Be a tourist, not a tour guide<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You want to be genuinely interested in your partner\u2019s body, even if you have known your partner for some time.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s not just about asking questions. It\u2019s about the novelty reflected in your eyes. You want to explore your partner\u2019s body again and again by listening to it and reacting accordingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Mix sensations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">While you are making love to somebody, you want to mix sensations using your hands together with your genitals.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cYou are a hand away from pleasure. Yours and your partner\u2019s,\u201d<\/em> explains Shan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In addition to that, you can <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/awaken-your-inner-sex-goddess\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">awaken your sexual powers<\/a> using energy practices like <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/tantra\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">tantra<\/a>. Not only can you learn how to experience a full-body orgasm yourself, but you can also give it to your partner by channeling this energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7387b849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\" style=\"flex-basis:100%\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-spotify wp-block-embed-spotify wp-embed-aspect-21-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe title=\"Spotify Embed: Sexologist Shan Boodram On The Secret To Being Unforgettable In Bed\" style=\"border-radius: 12px\" width=\"100%\" height=\"152\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen allow=\"autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/episode\/3DVOEhZNIcm9cVZwmtKPTk?go=1&#038;sp_cid=2a2e2def1a57fc569f1c5f0732449d32&#038;utm_source=oembed&#038;utm_medium=desktop&#038;nd=1\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-6-solutions-to-improve-your-sexual-health-as-you-grow-older\">6 Solutions to Improve Your Sexual Health as You Grow Older<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One of the biggest myths about sex that promotes sexual anxiety in men is that every guy in their mid-30s needs Viagra to get an erection.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This myth makes men psychologically reliant on the pill\u2014even when they don\u2019t need it, they take it. According to Dr. Amy Killen, you can repair and rejuvenate your genitals without any medications.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Moreover, if you approach it in the right way, <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/sex-talk\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">sex<\/a> can get better as you grow older. And the right approach is a whole-body approach based on these six solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Mind your mind<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your inability to deal with stress makes you unable to have good sex. It affects your hormones and puts you in the fight-or-flight response.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Be healthy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your sexual health relies on blood flow. As we get older, we have more inflammation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Exercising every day, practicing meditation, having a low-sugar diet, and avoiding smoking are musts in order to be healthy and have a healthy sex life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Increase nitric oxide levels<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This vital molecule is produced in your body and helps blood vessels promote proper blood flow. As you get older, its production decreases.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To increase nitric oxide levels, you want to eat foods rich in nitric oxide. The best options are green leafy vegetables, dark chocolate, and beetroot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dr. Amy Killen explains that you need two processes intact to keep its levels high: healthy bacteria in your mouth and stomach acid. Mouthwash kills healthy bacteria, so you want to avoid it as much as possible and any medications that decrease your stomach acid.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Optimize your hormones<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your hormones depend on your lifestyle, environmental factors, and your everyday choices. For women, being aware of their <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-set-goals-and-crush-them\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">infradian rhythm<\/a> can make a difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here are some of the best ways to optimize your hormones:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Regular full-body workouts with weight lifting<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Regular sex<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Regular sleep<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Amino acids in your diet<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Enough sun exposure<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. Utilize light, heat, and sound<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/healthcare.utah.edu\/menshealth\/conditions\/erectile-dysfunction\/shockwave-therapy.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Shockwave therapy<\/a> is a treatment that improves blood flow and repairs stem cells, increases nitric oxide levels, and improves erection by up to 65%.<br><br>Women can undergo vaginal rejuvenation treatments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">6. Use regenerative medicine<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another way to regenerate and activate your genitals is regenerative medicine, the branch of medicine that develops methods to regrow, repair, or replace damaged or diseased cells, organs, or tissues. They are based on stem cell procedures that are injected into your genitals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7387b849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\" style=\"flex-basis:100%\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-spotify wp-block-embed-spotify wp-embed-aspect-21-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe title=\"Spotify Embed: How To Have Amazing Sex For The Rest Of Your Life - Amy Killen\" style=\"border-radius: 12px\" width=\"100%\" height=\"152\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen allow=\"autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/episode\/0CT2QxLjy121HPCUUxVEYe?go=1&#038;sp_cid=2a2e2def1a57fc569f1c5f0732449d32&#038;utm_source=oembed&#038;utm_medium=desktop&#038;nd=1\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-anxiety-free-bed\">Anxiety-free bed<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">While we all can be a little anxious about our performance in bed, for whatever reason, the biggest obstacle to making it a pleasurable experience is our <em>mind<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is where your fears reside, which often are more imaginary than real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Whether you have sex or make love, it&#8217;s a co-creative process between you and your partner. If you want to learn how to be attuned to your sexual energy and your partner&#8217;s to create paradise in your bed, <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/home.mindvalley.com\/quiz?utm_source=blog_inline_link&amp;utm_campaign=quiz&amp;utm_medium=blog&amp;otag=blog_quiz\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">unlock your free Mindvalley access<\/a><\/strong>. There, you can try out sample classes from the bestselling quests:<strong><em> Tantra Touch <\/em><\/strong>by Psalm Isadora and <strong><em>The Science of Great Sex <\/em><\/strong>by Dr. Amy Killen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you experience sexual anxiety? Learn scientifically proven solutions to overcoming sexual performance anxiety and becoming better in bed. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":72750,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[2624],"series":[],"area-of-growth":[3415,3420],"outcome":[3480,3505,3521,3501],"featured":[],"coauthors":[326],"class_list":["post-60314","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-science-of-great-sex","area-of-growth-confidence","area-of-growth-intimacy","outcome-authenticity","outcome-healthy-relationships","outcome-self-awareness","outcome-sex-life"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.6 (Yoast SEO v27.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Overcome Anxiety in Bed, According to Sex Experts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you experience sexual anxiety? 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