What is social awkwardness?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Awkwardness is the quality of being awkward\u2014feeling uneasiness, embarrassment, or inconvenience. And so, social awkwardness means exactly that, but in a social setting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a number of people, it\u2019s difficult to receive and\/or express social cues. For example, they may not pick up on certain signals or express them. Or they misunderstand or do not notice another person\u2019s body language. Or they may struggle with all of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s a word for it\u2014it\u2019s called dyssemia.<\/em> It comes from the Greek words dys<\/em> (difficulty) and semia<\/em> (signal). Simply put, dyssemic people have trouble \u2018reading the room.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are tons of examples in pop culture. Think Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory<\/em>. Or Michael Scott from The Office<\/em>. Or even Walter Mitty living out his secret life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vanessa herself struggles with this. \u201cI\u2019m not a natural people person,<\/em>\u201d she says. \u201cI get social anxiety, I get nerves, I get stage fright.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n This characteristic is more of a feeling, according to Joshua Clegg, assistant professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, CUNY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a study<\/a> on situations that trigger social awkwardness in people, he posits that it arises when a person feels \u201cthe situation threatens [their] goal of being accepted by others<\/em>.\u201d In turn, they direct their attention inwards, monitor their behavior, and attempt to behave in a way that will improve their chances of achieving acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s look at it this way: we all face painfully embarrassing moments every now and again. But there are differences between having<\/em> awkward moments and being<\/em> socially awkward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Vanessa beautifully illustrates her own experience growing up with social awkwardness. She says, \u201cIt felt like I would walk into rooms and everyone else knew something I didn\u2019t. Somehow, they were magically able to talk to people. They were able to be cool. They were able to have casual conversations. And I wondered, \u2018Was everyone getting a book that I didn\u2019t have?<\/em>\u2019\u201d While social awkwardness is a character trait, social anxiety is a medical condition. According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America<\/a>, social anxiety affects approximately 15 million Americans. It\u2019s also the second most commonly diagnosed anxiety disorder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The association defines it as \u201cintense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation.<\/em>\u201d People with this disorder worry about appearing visibly anxious or viewed as stupid, awkward, or boring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because of this, they often avoid going to social events. And when they have to, they may experience strong physical symptoms, such as rapid heart rate, nausea, sweating, and even full-blown attacks. Those who suffer from it often require treatment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Although one is not the other, social awkwardness can sometimes lead to social anxiety, especially when the lack of interpersonal skills<\/a> causes a problem for the person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Social awkwardness doesn\u2019t define somebody\u2019s lack of confidence<\/a>, introversion, or shyness. It just means they may have difficulties with the social skills many of us take for granted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While that in itself isn\u2019t an issue, it can become a problem for someone if or when it leads to distress. This could be due to a number of reasons, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n But it\u2019s not all bad. Actually, there are advantages to being awkward. These great traits include having…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe same traits that make people socially awkward are the same psychological characteristics that can power them towards extraordinary achievements,<\/em>\u201d says Dr. Ty Tashiro<\/a>, psychologist and author of Awkward: The Science of Why We\u2019re Socially Awkward and Why That\u2019s Awesome<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So whether social awkwardness is good or bad is really a matter of perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We have this fundamental need as human beings to belong. But is there a reason why people become socially awkward? Here are a few points that may answer the burning question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So whether social awkwardness is due to adversity, misguided priorities, or some other reason, there are people who\u2019ve grown through their awkwardness. People like Dr. Tashiro as well as Vanessa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you feel that some pro tips on how to be less socially awkward will help you with feeling worthy<\/a>, then these incredible ones from Vanessa, whose TEDx Talk<\/a> has amassed more than three million views, may just resonate with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The more you\u2019re able to look within and acknowledge your thoughts and individuality, the more you understand your strengths and challenges. It\u2019ll allow you to look at things from different perspectives, and free you from your own assumptions and biases. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Self-awareness helps with confidence, which then can allow you to communicate with clarity and intention. This includes setting healthy boundaries where necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSet up distance between the people who drain you,<\/em>\u201d Vanessa advises. \u201cText them less. Say no to them. Give them boundaries.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, optimize the amazing people in your life. Text them more, set updates with them, or whatever you feel will show them the love and admiration you have for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Look inward to understand what it takes for you to thrive and then, go do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Try this: <\/strong>Get to know your authentic self with self-awareness<\/a> exercises, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do you pay attention to how your body acts or reacts? The lift in the shoulders when you\u2019re anxious. The scrunch of your nose when you don\u2019t like something. Or throwing your hands in the air when you\u2019re celebrating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your non-verbal communication, a.k.a., body language, not only influences those around you, but it influences you, too\u2014your thoughts, feelings, and physiology. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Social psychologist Amy Cuddy<\/a> and her team have been researching the effects of adopting \u2018power poses\u2019 on emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and physiological outcomes. The results suggest that adopting an expansive posture can boost feelings of confidence and in turn, have an impact on the chances for success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vanessa adds, \u201cThe more space you take up, the more contagious you are.<\/em>\u201d Now, that doesn\u2019t mean walking into a room like a giant monster with your hands up or doing the superwoman pose (which can seem a little aggressive in a social setting). <\/p>\n\n\n\n But be attuned to your body so that when you do feel out of place, you can adjust your body language in a way that will give you the boost in confidence you need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Try this:<\/strong> Vanessa suggests a natural yet effective way to shape your body language:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Embracing your charisma sounds like one of those \u2018easier said than done\u2019 advice, doesn\u2019t it? Well, it may just be easier than you think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe are not born with an immovable personality,<\/em>\u201d explains Belynder Walia<\/a>, psychotherapist, and neuroscientist. \u201cOur individuality is something that develops over time, and therefore, we can quite easily cultivate charisma.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There was a time when people believed that charisma equated to bubbly extroverts. But according to what Vanessa has found after years of research, there are many kinds of this personal quality. And each one of us has our own \u201cnatural flavor of charisma<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So use your charm to attract and inspire those around you. The key to it, says Vanessa, is to leverage your natural strength \u2014 whether it’s the powerfully quiet introvert, the empathetic nurturer, or the booming personality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Try this: <\/strong>Good news is that charisma can be learned. So hone in on these five traits<\/a> that exceptionally charismatic people follow:<\/p>\n\n\n\nAwkward moments and socially awkward\u2014are they the same?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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But as embarrassing as they are, awkward moments serve as a useful function to keep us in line with societal norms. (No one wants to walk around with their zipper down, right?)
Cheeks feeling flushed, heart racing, or cottonmouth \u2014 these are all signals from your mind alarming you that you stepped outside of the social bounds. It\u2019s time to correct yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n\n
And for those who consider themselves socially awkward, being in social situations can also lead to social anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\nDoes social awkwardness have anything to do with social anxiety?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Is being socially awkward good or bad?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Why do people become socially awkward?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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So a small team of researchers from New York University, the University of California, and Arizona State University looked deeper into what causes social awkwardness<\/a>. Their results suggest that those who face adversity at a young age \u201cmay miss out on lessons that other youngsters get, such as how to approach and behave with others<\/em>.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s now all about the latest phone or the newest TikTok trend. And there\u2019s nothing wrong with that\u2014technological advances and creativity are welcome with open arms.
The problem, however, is when we make these things our priorities. \u201cWhen we make temporary social expectations and goods the kind of currency that we trade in with one another, life can start to feel a little empathy and a little bit meaningless,<\/em>\u201d explains Dr. Tashiro.
One study<\/a> examined the relationship between technological communication and social skills<\/a> in college students. Its results found that those who used technology had poorer social skills and high social anxiety than those who didn\u2019t.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n![\"Vanessa](\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/04\/MV_Vanessa_VanEdwards-134-how-to-not-be-socially-awkward.jpg\")
3 tips on how not to be socially awkward<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Cultivate your self-awareness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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2. Shape your body language<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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3. Embrace your charisma<\/h3>\n\n\n\n