{"id":64372,"date":"2022-08-02T17:43:51","date_gmt":"2022-08-02T09:43:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/?p=64372"},"modified":"2025-03-14T10:01:13","modified_gmt":"2025-03-14T02:01:13","slug":"deal-with-confrontation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/blog\/deal-with-confrontation\/","title":{"rendered":"How to deal with confrontation: 3 tips from Lisa Nichols"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Human relationships are the source of the deepest joy and connection, although they might sometimes be challenging to work with. They trigger our wounds and our growth, but as relationships are where we get hurt, that\u2019s where we go to heal as well.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is why learning how to deal with confrontation is essential. And it\u2019s not only encouraged by psychologists but also by spiritual masters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My father always used to say, \u2018Don&#8217;t raise your voice. Improve your argument.\u2019<\/p>\n<cite>\u2014 Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Instead of running away from conflict, imagine a world where imperfections are embraced, where uniqueness is celebrated, and we feel called to carry those difficult conversations with an open heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s why Mindvalley teamed up with a leading expert in communication, <strong>Lisa Nichols<\/strong>, to teach you how to create that kind of world. The fantastic news is that it\u2019s not only possible in a utopian future, but you can start right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So next time you find yourself in a confrontation, you\u2019ll know how to make the most of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-is-a-confrontational-situation-and-how-do-you-recognize-you-re-in-one\">What is a confrontational situation and how do you recognize you\u2019re in one?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A confrontational situation is an argumentative context where two people have opposing views on a specific issue. The nature of it could be personal, professional, or even with total strangers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For so many reasons, we can have arguments in our relationships. It could be for what we do, what we say, or even for what we don\u2019t say. The important thing is to learn how to handle conflict according to our own <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/conflict-management\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">management style<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As long as human beings are imperfect beings, their relationships are going to have some level of dysfunction to them. When we strive to make it perfect, we move into a space of unrealism.<\/p>\n<cite>\u2014 Lisa Nichols, trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Speak and Inspire<\/em> Quest<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Watch out for these signs to notice when a peaceful conversation turns into a confrontation (a.k.a your next chance for growth).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Body language (crossed arms, leg shaking, avoiding eye contact)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Passive aggressive jokes or comments<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Behavioral changes (for example, someone suddenly being silent although it\u2019s out of character)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Lack of tolerance towards your opinion<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emphasis on blaming (<em>\u201cYou did this\u201d<\/em> or<em> \u201cYou made me feel this way\u201d)<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"heading2\">You might identify yourself as someone who often experiences fear of confrontation. Or you may get so fired up during conflict that you completely lose your sense of self. Either way, you can and you will grow beyond this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-tips-on-how-to-deal-with-confrontation\">3 tips on how to deal with confrontation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So, what can you do when you find yourself in these challenging situations? Lisa Nichols, who\u2019s also the trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Speak and Inspire<\/em> Quest, may just have a solution for you&#8230; It\u2019s a magnificent concept called <strong><em>care<\/em>-frontation<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Care-frontation is, as per Lisa, <em>\u201cthe intention of completing the conversation with the relationship still intact.\u201d  <\/em>It dismantles the &#8220;I\u2019m right, you\u2019re wrong&#8221; mentality and focuses on using conflict to empower connection.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s explore these three tips on how to deal with confrontation and turn it around in favor of your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-honor-and-acknowledge-the-person-you-re-speaking-to\">1. Honor and acknowledge the person you\u2019re speaking to<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Confrontation stems from the energy of one person being right and the other being wrong. This energy is immediately divisive and destroys trust because whenever anyone makes you feel unheard, you stop leaning into the difficult conversation with openness and vulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Therefore, <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/feeling-worthy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">feeling worthy<\/a> of being listened to and taken into consideration is a <em>must<\/em> for any care-frontation. Lisa beautifully suggests starting with one of the following statements:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>\u201cWhat I appreciate about you is\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cWhat I respect most about you is\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cWhat I admire about you is\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Moreover, a key component of maintaining connection during a challenging talk is addressing the other person by their name when acknowledging them. This way, the feeling of safety and appreciation will be increased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Put into practice: <\/strong>Imagine a situation where you need to know how to deal with confrontation at work. Your colleague has continuously made the same mistake you\u2019ve repeatedly pointed out before. But instead of making a passive-aggressive comment and risking getting into a conflictual situation, you start by saying:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cLarry, what I admire about you is your willingness to get things done as soon as possible. However, in this situation, I think we need a little bit more patience.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-make-a-genuine-request\">2. Make a genuine request<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">People often have the impression that they shouldn\u2019t express their needs. They hope that, somehow, everyone will read their minds, get what they want, and provide accordingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unfortunately, most times, that doesn\u2019t happen. As a consequence, expectations aren\u2019t met and conflict builds up. But what if, just for the sake of the experiment, you start the conversation by making a genuine request?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lisa encourages you to begin with:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>\u201cI need your support in\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cWhat would work better for me is\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cCan we make a new agreement to\u2026?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">These words could dismantle defense. They might even hurt your ego. But when your ego is put aside, you\u2019ll notice that your relationships are actually more important to you than being right. And how beautiful will that turn out to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Put into practice: <\/strong>Lisa provides a great example of how to deal with confrontation with your boss. Instead of waiting for them to assume what your needs truly are, you could try being honest and say something like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cCan we make a new agreement to let me know when you need some extra help with this? I know you appreciate being proactive, but sometimes my to-do list is overwhelming, and I don\u2019t notice when there\u2019s more to be done in this situation.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-be-consistent-with-your-care-frontation-practice\">3. Be consistent with your care-frontation practice<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lisa emphasizes consistency when learning how to deal with confrontation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote has-text-align-left is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Make a bold declaration, and don\u2019t ask for permission on who you are and who you are becoming. You don\u2019t ever ask permission to do you. The world takes time to adapt to who you are when you\u2019re being consistent.<\/p>\n<cite>\u2014 Lisa Nichols, trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Speak and Inspire <\/em>Quest<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So after you get the core elements of a productive care-frontation, you put it into practice, and you see the results, what\u2019s next?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The truth is that conflict might arise again. And even if falling back into your old patterns of arguing fiercely seems irresistible, you must be consistent and do this work again. And again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Someone else\u2019s response could interrupt your consistency and make you doubt your new approach to <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/assertive-communication\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">assertive communication<\/a>. Just because you\u2019re changing doesn\u2019t automatically mean they will be growing at the same pace you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, the reality shows that people\u2019s responses to you have nothing to do with who you want to be or how you decide to show up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In time, you might be surprised how they adapt to your communication manner. Little by little, the anxiety you have on how to deal with confrontation will dissolve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Put into practice: <\/strong>Imagine having an argument with your partner, and you\u2019re trying to turn the confrontation into a care-frontation. But they aren\u2019t responsive. They still appear to be too fired up to deal with a kinder way of carrying out a conflict. You can try saying:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cI can see how much you\u2019re touched by this issue. I\u2019d love it if we could resolve it in a different way. It might not work from the beginning, but I\u2019m willing to show up better each time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/08\/deal-with-confrontation-Mindvalley-Live-LA-20204Z6A0959-Kersti-Niglas.jpg\" alt=\"Lisa Nichols, trainer of Mindvalley's Speak and Inspire Quest\" class=\"wp-image-64379\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/08\/deal-with-confrontation-Mindvalley-Live-LA-20204Z6A0959-Kersti-Niglas.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/08\/deal-with-confrontation-Mindvalley-Live-LA-20204Z6A0959-Kersti-Niglas-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/08\/deal-with-confrontation-Mindvalley-Live-LA-20204Z6A0959-Kersti-Niglas-736x491.jpg 736w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2022\/08\/deal-with-confrontation-Mindvalley-Live-LA-20204Z6A0959-Kersti-Niglas-442x295.jpg 442w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Lisa Nichols, trainer of Mindvalley&#8217;s <em>Speak and Inspire <\/em>Quest<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-learn-more-with-lisa\">Learn more with Lisa<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Studying personal growth and self-awareness in times of peace is powerful. But true transformation happens when you apply those lessons in moments of challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you\u2019re ready to communicate with confidence, grace, and authenticity\u2014even under pressure\u2014Mindvalley is the place to start. Join Lisa Nichols in <em>Speak and Inspire<\/em> and unlock the first lessons of this transformational journey. Plus, gain access to daily meditations, exclusive insights, and a global community that supports your growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your most authentic, compelling self is waiting. <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/home.mindvalley.com\/quiz?utm_source=blog_inline_link&amp;utm_campaign=quiz&amp;utm_medium=blog&amp;otag=blog_quiz\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sign up for your free Mindvalley account today<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Welcome in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you learn how to deal with confrontation, you tend to grow closer in your relationship rather than apart. Lisa Nichols explains how to do it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":167,"featured_media":64376,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[4256],"series":[],"area-of-growth":[3415],"outcome":[3480,3463,3467],"featured":[],"coauthors":[2479],"class_list":["post-64372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-conversation-starters","area-of-growth-confidence","outcome-authenticity","outcome-communication","outcome-public-speaking"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.6 (Yoast SEO v27.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Deal With Confrontation: 3 Tips From Lisa Nichols<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you learn how to deal with confrontation, you tend to grow closer in your relationship rather than apart. 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