It\u2019s important to remember, though, that no anger is the same. And that means one approach may work with a person or situation but not with another. However, being in tune with the moment can help you deal with someone who\u2019s triggered without turning into the Hulk yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The following list of five wisdoms is from experts at Mindvalley, who, through experience, have mastered how to calm an angry person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Ignore their words<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
This advice might be counterintuitive from what you\u2019ve been taught. However, according to lawyer-turned-peacemaker Doug Noll<\/strong>, if you allow yourself to absorb the person\u2019s angry words, you\u2019ll be angry yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s because emotions are contagious\u2014and that\u2019s science-backed. In fact, in the 1990s, researchers identified \u201cmirror neurons<\/a>\u201d located in the prefrontal cortex. These neurons are responsible for how and why humans imitate and feel empathy for each other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf we\u2019re not trained when we\u2019re witnessing people [who are angry and upset], we can be anxious and alexithymic also,<\/em>\u201d says Doug in an interview on Selling With Love (formerly known as Superhumans at Work, a Mindvalley Podcast). (Alexithymia, he explains, is when a person has difficulty identifying and expressing emotions.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if your spouse is angry and starts yelling at you, there\u2019s a high chance your reaction is to yell back. As a response, they raise their voice, to which you raise yours. And it continues until\u2014boom!<\/em>\u2014goes the volcano.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Doug\u2019s advice: <\/strong>\u201cIgnore their words.<\/em>\u201d He explains, \u201cIf it just becomes white noise that you no longer hear, you\u2019re much, much less likely to be triggered, which means you can stay calm.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So to know how to calm an angry person down requires you to be the yin<\/em> to their yang<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Oftentimes, it\u2019s easy to tell when someone is angry. Yelling, cursing, sarcasm, as well as the middle finger, flying objects, or a high-five to the face are all expressions of this strong emotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, some people aren\u2019t as expressive. For example, they could cross their arms or roll their eyes to show their anger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to understand the essence of effective communication<\/a>: only 7% of all communication is verbal; the rest is tonality and body language.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So the secret to learning how to deal with anger, according to Doug, is to be able to \u201cread\u201d the feelings underneath it. Those include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n For humans, interpersonal communication<\/a> can be innate, like the ability to read each other\u2019s emotional experiences without words. Unfortunately, \u201cthe myth of rationality has so divorced us from our emotional nature that we have never really been taught how to read emotions.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n2. Read the underlying emotions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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