{"id":66440,"date":"2023-02-13T23:01:58","date_gmt":"2023-02-13T15:01:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/?p=66440"},"modified":"2025-03-14T10:54:21","modified_gmt":"2025-03-14T02:54:21","slug":"fight-languages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/blog\/fight-languages\/","title":{"rendered":"The 5 fight languages\u2014and why they could be your new relationship superpower"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Let\u2019s face it, conflicts are bound to happen. Screaming obscenities, name-calling, and walking away in a huff\u2014these are some of the less extreme ways we deal with heated situations, better known as \u201cfight languages.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you may know, nothing good comes from uncontrolled anger. It only leaves you feeling more stressed, more irritated, more resentful, and\u2014no surprise here\u2014more disconnected from those you love. And where does that leave you? Probably at the corner of Relationships-No-More Street and Ailment Avenue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning about your own and others’ fight languages can help you avoid that detour. The thing is, though, not everyone realizes there is such a thing as fight languages (also known as anger languages). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when you\u2019re able to understand your own as well as how others \u201cfight,\u201d then you\u2019re better prepared to navigate the conflict from a place of respect and love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What exactly are fight languages?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Just as we each have our own love languages<\/a> (kudos to Dr. Gary Champan for putting it into concept), we also have fight languages. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflict of any kind triggers our amygdala, the emotional center in our brains, which then kicks our fight-or-flight response into gear. So, it\u2019s our natural tendency to respond to distress, disappointment, and fury by yelling, withdrawing, or invalidating the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A great example of this is one that life coach Jey Shetty provides on his socials<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy wife’s fight language is, she likes to be quiet, reflect and think, and not talk about things until she processes. My fight language is totally the opposite: I want to figure it out right now; I want to open up; I want to extrapolate; I want to break it down.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When anger is “volcanic,” it can be pathogenic, according to Martin Teicher, HMS associate professor of psychiatry at McLean. In an article<\/a> in Harvard Medicine<\/em>, he explains that \u201copenly expressed negative, raw, and intense emotion is hard for many people to witness and can leave scars.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And while there has been research<\/a> that suggests there are plus sides to being angry, it\u2019s how it\u2019s expressed that makes all the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are the 5 fight languages?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When we\u2019re looking at how to calm an angry person<\/a>, it\u2019s a natural tendency to assume they deal with the emotion as we do. It\u2019s patterned after the ways we see, hear, feel, and think, as David Feinstein<\/strong>, a clinical psychologist and international leader in the field of energy psychology, explains in The Energies of Love <\/em>Quest at Mindvalley. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And so, discovering your own language and learning your partner\u2019s or those around you can be powerful steps to help your relationship thrive. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are five for you to explore:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"The<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

1. Righteous<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever encountered someone who\u2019s adamant that their stance is right and that yours is not? That\u2019s the language of the righteous. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can sound something like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n