{"id":67162,"date":"2023-05-05T15:10:50","date_gmt":"2023-05-05T07:10:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/?p=67162"},"modified":"2025-06-03T13:49:29","modified_gmt":"2025-06-03T12:49:29","slug":"trauma-bond","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/blog\/trauma-bond\/","title":{"rendered":"Escaping the grip of trauma bonds: 5 tips from Mindvalley experts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Have you ever been in a relationship that felt like a rollercoaster ride? One moment you&#8217;re on top of the world, the next you&#8217;re plunged into despair. Or maybe you feel like you\u2019re addicted to the drama or that you can\u2019t leave because you&#8217;re too emotionally invested.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing a trauma bond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cAll you need is love,\u201d <\/em>once sang The Beatles. But sometimes, love in a difficult relationship will deplete you of energy and, most probably, break your heart.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The good news is that you can heal from the patterns holding you back and create the healthy connections you deserve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-is-a-trauma-bond\">What is a trauma bond?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Trauma bonding is a powerful psychological phenomenon that can keep you trapped in a cycle of dysfunction and pain.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The term was first introduced by Dr. Patrick Carnes, founder of the <em>International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals<\/em>. And he defined it as \u201c<em>dysfunctional attachments that occur in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Trauma bonds may look like a complex emotional attachment that forms between two people in a relationship that involves abuse, manipulation, or (self) betrayal.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/00207284.1999.11490964\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Studies<\/a> show that trauma bonds can form in any type of relationship, whether it&#8217;s romantic, familial, or even between friends, but they&#8217;re most common within intimate connections. It can be caused by the reactivation of past patterns developed during traumatic experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dr. Carnes explains that even if the relationship hurts, the brain is seeking ways to create a survival mechanism, so it develops an unhealthy attachment, bonding with the subject that causes pain. It&#8217;s like being caught in a spider&#8217;s web: the more you struggle, the more trapped you become.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What\u2019s more, a trauma bond may show similar characteristics to the spiritual concept of \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/karmic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">karmic relationships<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-examples\">Examples<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The trauma bond meaning is usually researched in more extreme cases, such as physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationships. One extreme example of such bonds is the abused victim developing empathetic feelings for the abuser, also known as <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/3662732\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Stockholm syndrome<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, this kind of intense relationship may result from various forms of unhealthy attachment. For example, a person who experienced feelings of abandonment in early childhood may unconsciously choose partners that leave them constantly feeling lonely or unlovable.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Think of movie relationships such as <em>Harley Quinn and The Joker<\/em> or Netflix\u2019s <em>You<\/em>. These examples show human connections built on toxicity, manipulation, and abusive behaviors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-main-signs-and-symptoms-of-a-trauma-bond\">Main signs and symptoms of a trauma bond<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As mentioned, signs of a trauma bond can differ in gravity and intensity. However, here are a few of them that may signal red flags of a harmful relationship:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Finding excuses for abusive behaviors<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Constantly believing that \u201cthey will change\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Going through intense emotional highs and lows<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Finding it impossible to leave the relationship, although a part of you might want to<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Feeling shame and guilt around the relationship<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Constantly abandoning yourself in the relationship<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s true that when you first fell in love with this person, you might have felt all rainbows and butterflies. After all, your body is releasing cortisol, the famous &#8220;stress hormone,&#8221; which can create a feeling of excitement and intensity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But here&#8217;s the catch: that intense passion you feel in the beginning might actually be a sign that an old, traumatic pattern is being reactivated within you. In other words, your body may be reacting to something that&#8217;s already familiar to you rather than something new and healthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-7-stages-of-a-trauma-bond\">The 7 stages of a trauma bond<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Each relationship is unique, but there may be a common pattern of the following stages in a relationship bonded by trauma:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Love bombing. <\/strong>You&#8217;re overwhelmed with grand gestures from the other person, feeling that you\u2019ve found <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-find-love\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">true love<\/a>, and it probably was at first sight.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Gaining trust. <\/strong>The other person may show behaviors that make them seem trustworthy. However, when you doubt their actions, they might get extremely offended.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Criticism. <\/strong>An on-and-off game of harsh accusations and over-apologizing starts taking place.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Manipulation. <\/strong>It commonly takes the form of <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-respond-to-gaslighting\/\">gaslighting<\/a> and finding excuses for abusive behaviors.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Giving up and self-abandonment. <\/strong>Also known as the \u201cfawn response\u201d to trauma, it involves using a <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/people-pleaser\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">people-pleasing<\/a> behavior to avoid conflict.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Psychological distress. <\/strong>Intense feelings of psychological distress are experienced during this stage. However, emotional numbness is also common, as are feelings of losing your sense of self.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Cycle repetition. <\/strong>The trauma bond cycle tends to repeat itself once one of the people involved starts making promises that change will happen.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s essential to note that trauma bonding may be more or less intense, depending on the relationship. And even though there are ways to break the cycle and begin healing on your own, sometimes the fastest way to recover is to seek professional help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2034\" height=\"1354\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/09bc3fb1-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-graphic.webp\" alt=\"Seven stages of a trauma bond\" class=\"wp-image-67248\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/09bc3fb1-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-graphic.webp 2034w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/09bc3fb1-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-graphic-768x511.webp 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/09bc3fb1-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-graphic-1536x1022.webp 1536w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/09bc3fb1-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-graphic-736x491.webp 736w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/09bc3fb1-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-graphic-442x295.webp 442w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 2034px) 100vw, 2034px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-break-a-trauma-bond-5-tips-from-mindvalley-experts\">How to break a trauma bond: 5 tips from Mindvalley experts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Besides having a strong support system and maybe engaging in a therapeutic process, there are a few things you can do for yourself when processing how to get over a trauma bond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here are a few tips from Mindvalley experts that may help you along your healing journey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-let-yourself-feel-katherine-woodward-thomas\">1. Let yourself feel | Katherine Woodward Thomas<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When going through a breakup after an intense relationship, a lot of shame might rise to the surface, explains <strong>Katherine Woodward Thomas<\/strong>, relationship expert and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Conscious Uncoupling <\/em>Quest.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Shame that maybe you haven\u2019t done enough to keep the relationship going. Or shame that you didn\u2019t fulfill the \u201chappily ever after myth\u201d that runs through the veins of our society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, Katherine highlights the concept of \u201c<strong>happily even after<\/strong>.\u201d Happy that you learned valuable lessons that will empower your growth. And happy that you had the unshakable courage to let go of something that no longer fulfilled your needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In fact, psychology points out that celebrating going through hard times will paradoxically accelerate the whole healing process. For example, David Hawkins, a globally celebrated psychiatrist and founder of the <em>Institute for Spiritual Research<\/em>, has spent his life researching the effects of letting go of emotions without repressing or trying to change them in any way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What he found was that once emotions are truly felt and let go, instead of running away and bottling them up, the process of healing occurs faster and somehow naturally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-write-a-letter-of-forgiveness-marie-diamond\">2. Write a letter of forgiveness | Marie Diamond<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Marie Diamond<\/strong>, renowned energy healer and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Success Magic <\/em>Quest shares a beautiful practice of forgiveness and releasing resentment that holds you back from moving forward: <strong>writing a forgiveness letter<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What\u2019s important to keep in mind, she says, is knowing that the letter will be written to the soul of the person, not to their ego. So write down everything you wish you could have shared with them. Write about all the pain they caused and all the broken pieces of your heart you\u2019re still trying to put back together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can write down all the hate, hurt, and frustration, but also the lessons you\u2019ve learned about how to take better care of yourself on all levels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you\u2019re done, Marie recommends signing the letter and burning it at noon on a sunny day. According to her, the reason for that is the high level of chi (life force energy) you have during that time of the day, resulting in a maximum capacity for letting go of resentment and moving on with your healing process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-release-trauma-from-your-body-jennifer-partridge\">3. Release trauma from your body | Jennifer Partridge<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/books.google.ro\/books?hl=ro&amp;lr=&amp;id=8hjoyCFTu6IC&amp;oi=fnd&amp;pg=PA1&amp;dq=gabor+mate&amp;ots=EWUJbaKUgf&amp;sig=BStH935hy_cj79c0EGWQ6HudNCw&amp;redir_esc=y#v=onepage&amp;q=gabor%20mate&amp;f=false\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Research studies<\/a> in the 21st century have found that trauma is stored in the body and can affect psychological health long after it occurs. And because of that, releasing somatic practices aids in healing and processing pain.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One gentle but powerful practice you can learn to do for yourself is <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/eft-tapping\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">EFT tapping<\/a> therapy. And with the guidance and expertise of <strong>Jennifer Partridge<\/strong>, EFT practitioner and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Tapping Into Emotional Mastery <\/em>Quest, you may easily develop your own releasing routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The beauty of EFT is that it provides a safe space for emotional release while engaging in a light and non-intrusive process. And according to Jennifer, it prompts your life energy to flow freely through your body again, which allows you to access your natural state of self-love and empowerment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-rewire-your-nervous-system-to-live-in-the-present-moment-juan-pablo-barahona\">4. Rewire your nervous system to live in the present moment | Juan Pablo Barahona<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cEvery layer of your being is in coherence with the full presence,\u201d<\/em> explains <strong>Juan Pablo Barahona<\/strong>, quantum flow teacher and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Ultra Presence <\/em>Quest. And learning how to embody full presence leads you to access the healing powers of your body, mind, and soul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This may sound like an abstract concept that\u2019s difficult to grasp, but it\u2019s actually all about regulating your nervous system.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3108032\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Studies<\/a> show that regulating the nervous system helps people regain a sense of presence, calm, and safety after experiencing traumatic events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dr. Stephen Porges, the founder of the polyvagal theory, explains how your body\u2019s sense of safety is regained by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. In turn, this helps create further secure connections and makes you feel more engaged in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The magic of the nervous system, as JuanPa highlights in his Quest, means that you\u2019re able to rewire old patterns and unhealthy beliefs that keep you unaware of the gifts that life has available to you. And you can do so through practices like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Quantum flow activation<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Yoga<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Breathwork<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-fulfill-the-needs-of-your-inner-child-dr-shefali-tsabary\">5. Fulfill the needs of your inner child | Dr. Shefali Tsabary<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">People often spend their entire lives uncovering and undoing the first seven years of their existence, as explained by<strong> Dr. Shefali Tsabary<\/strong>, clinical psychologist and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Conscious Parenting Mastery <\/em>Quest.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And so, developing unhealthy attachments and having your needs neglected as a child may turn out to be detrimental to your relationships\u2019 security in adulthood. As mentioned, this can cause traumatizing bonds and toxic relational patterns later in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, when you dive deeper into <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/inner-child-work\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">inner child work<\/a> and learn how to fulfill the needs of that past hurt version of yourself, you may get a broader understanding of how your past influences your present.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cIt is only through blinding and persistent awareness that we can begin to notice how we have been repeating patterns all our lives,\u201d<\/em> says Dr. Shefali. And once you spot your patterns, you can begin to rewire yourself and make conscious choices to create a life truly worth living.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1456\" height=\"816\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/dc770fab-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-02-midjourney-seo-team.webp\" alt=\"A man standing in his living room\" class=\"wp-image-73099\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/dc770fab-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-02-midjourney-seo-team.webp 1456w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/05\/dc770fab-trauma-bond-mindvalley-blog-02-midjourney-seo-team-768x430.webp 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1456px) 100vw, 1456px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-great-change-starts-with-healing\">Great change starts with healing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A healing process can sometimes seem daunting and never-ending. However, there\u2019s infinite wisdom and possibility within yourself to break through hurtful patterns and rebuild your life, even from the ashes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And a little guidance along the way might be just the extra support you need to speed up your process. If that\u2019s what you\u2019re looking for, Mindvalley is the place for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can find transformational insights on your journey through powerful quests such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong><em>Conscious Uncoupling<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>with Katherine Woodward Thomas<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><em>Success Magic<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>with Marie Diamond<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><em>Tapping Into Emotional Mastery<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>with Jennifer Partridge<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><em>Ultra Presence<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>with Juan Pablo Barahona<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><em>Conscious Parenting Mastery<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>with Dr. Shefali Tsabary<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By <a href=\"https:\/\/home.mindvalley.com\/quiz?utm_source=blog_inline_link&amp;utm_campaign=quiz&amp;utm_medium=blog&amp;otag=blog_quiz\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>unlocking your free access<\/strong><\/a>, you can sample classes from these programs and many others and see how they impact your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And the best part of it all is that you don\u2019t have to be alone on your path to transformation. You can join a community of like-minded people who are as eager to find the best version of themselves as you are. It\u2019s in this togetherness that we may find healing and genuine connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Welcome in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Trauma bonds may be difficult to break, but they are not impossible. With expert tips from Mindvalley trainers, you can regain your emotional freedom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":167,"featured_media":73100,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[2030],"series":[],"area-of-growth":[3416],"outcome":[3487],"featured":[3811],"coauthors":[2479],"class_list":["post-67162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mind","tag-tapping-into-emotional-mastery","area-of-growth-emotional-mastery","outcome-trauma-healing","featured-op5-en"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.6 (Yoast SEO v27.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What Is a Trauma Bond &amp; How to Break It: Expert Tips<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Trauma bonds may be difficult to break, but they are not impossible. 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