{"id":9627,"date":"2025-08-11T21:11:33","date_gmt":"2025-08-11T20:11:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/?p=9627"},"modified":"2025-09-03T12:16:52","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T11:16:52","slug":"what-are-interpersonal-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/blog\/what-are-interpersonal-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"7 interpersonal skills that separate high performers from everyone else"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Most people navigate the world with a limited set of interpersonal skills<\/strong>. It\u2019s enough to get by, but not enough to build anything that lasts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meetings end without real alignment, relationships stretch thin over time, and under the performance of everyday interaction, the actual connection quietly disappears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the thing is, it\u2019s one of the most overlooked and essential career development tools. At least according to Vanessa Van Edwards<\/strong>, a self-proclaimed recovering awkward person and bestselling author of Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because what we call \u201cpeople skills\u201d is rarely about people at all. They\u2019re really about emotional precision, timing, and trust. And they begin long before anyone opens their mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are interpersonal skills?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cInterpersonal\u201d means between people. And it\u2019s used to describe relationships, dynamics, or skills that shape how people communicate, understand each other, and build connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a nutshell, the \u201cinterpersonal skills\u201d meaning is simply just people skills, as Vanessa points out. These are not surface-level niceties or a polished LinkedIn summary. They are the micro-gestures, the silences held just long enough, and the ability to notice when someone\u2019s eyes flicker with doubt and respond with grace instead of defense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Whether you\u2019re an entrepreneur, a manager, or looking for work, interpersonal skills are critical for communication and relationship success.<\/p>\n\u2014 Vanessa Van Edwards, trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s Magnetic Charisma program<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSomeone with exceptional interpersonal skills might be said to have high PQ, or <\/em>interpersonal intelligence<\/em><\/a>,\u201d Vanessa says in a video on YouTube<\/a>. This PQ is one of Howard Gardner\u2019s original nine types of intelligence, and it reflects a person\u2019s sensitivity to the moods, motivations, desires, and intentions of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when that intelligence is missing, things can fall apart quietly. A tone gets misread, a boundary slips, and even a conversation never recovers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why are interpersonal skills important?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Interpersonal skills matter because nearly every part of life relies on how you relate to others. Whether you\u2019re navigating conflict, building trust, or coordinating decisions, the quality of your interactions shapes the outcome. And without these skills, even the best ideas struggle to land, and even the most capable people find themselves misunderstood or sidelined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One large-scale study analyzing team-based collaboration found that those who could anticipate others\u2019 intentions and adapt accordingly significantly improved group performance<\/a>, regardless of individual technical ability. These findings held true even under pressure, where coordination often breaks down when social cues are missed or ignored.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Professional development data draws a similar line. People who train their interpersonal skills are more likely to stay in their jobs, get promoted, and work well with clients. One labor market study found that knowing how to manage relationships is one of the strongest signs of long-term career success, no matter the industry<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That same pattern shows up in Vanessa\u2019s work. \u201cWhether you\u2019re an entrepreneur, a manager, or looking for work<\/em>,\u201d she says, \u201cinterpersonal skills are critical for communication and relationship success<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7 examples of interpersonal skills<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This kind of social attunement lives in the quiet moments. They shape how you hold a pause, how you catch a shift in tone, and how you make someone feel safe without saying much. And they develop through experience, attention, and deliberate practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are interpersonal skills examples Vanessa shares in her video that shape how you relate, lead, and connect:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Active listening<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Active listening<\/a> is fully focusing on the speaker without interrupting, fixing, or drifting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mindvalley member Tasneem Goheer<\/a> used to hijack conversations without realizing it. But she learned to listen and found the connection she’d been missing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Conversational pacing<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This is the rhythm of dialogue: knowing when to speak, when to wait, and how to hold the space between words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you know Lisa Nichols, you know the power of the \u201cpregnant pause<\/a>.\u201d It becomes a tool for presence, intention, and emotional impact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Body language awareness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

What you do with your hands, face, and posture speaks long before your words do. When your body language<\/a> aligns with your message, it can create congruence and trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take Barack Obama, for instance. His use of open-hand gestures and relaxed posture became hallmarks of his communication style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Tone control<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The tone you use, whether spoken or typed, can soothe, spark, or shut someone down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another Mindvalley member Dao Lam<\/a> mastered this using tips from Erica Dhawan<\/strong>\u2019s Digital Body Language<\/em><\/strong> program. She learned to renegotiate a contract with bonuses and upgrades. A shift in tone rewired her entire approach to communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Empathic accuracy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This is the ability to read emotional cues and respond in a way that makes people feel seen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s Ted Lasso\u2019s signature move: he notices the tension, the silence, and the hesitation and responds with care that disarms and connects.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Boundary-setting<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Being clear about your limits earns respect faster than overexplaining or retreating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s like what Bren\u00e9 Brown says: \u201cClear is kind<\/em>.\u201d And when she teaches leaders to set expectations early, it becomes a form of respect rather than avoidance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Repairing ruptures<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When a connection breaks, knowing how to repair it builds deeper trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Bear<\/em>, Carmy and Richie start the series barely speaking. But over time, they repair their tense dynamic through honest conversations, vulnerability, and shared purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Examples<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

How to improve interpersonal skills, according to experts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Most people assume interpersonal skills come naturally or not at all. But experts who study human behavior say these skills are learned through repetition, not personality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The key is knowing what to practice and how to track the shifts that matter. And to sharpen those skills, it helps to study what actually works in real conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Be memorable<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In Vanessa’s research, the conversations people remembered and enjoyed most didn\u2019t begin with \u201cWhat do you do?<\/em>\u201d or \u201cHow are you?<\/em>\u201d<\/a> They started with something unexpected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Questions like, \u201cWhat personal passion project are you working on?<\/em>\u201d or \u201cWhat was the highlight of your day?<\/em>\u201d interrupted autopilot. They sparked warmth, animation, and trust. The interaction became something people wanted to stay in, not just get through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen you ask questions that we\u2019ve heard a million times before<\/em>,\u201d she points out in her Magnetic Charisma<\/em><\/strong> program on Mindvalley, \u201cit\u2019s like asking the other person\u2019s brain to stay asleep<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you\u2019re looking for a practical starting point, it begins here: stop asking questions you\u2019ve already answered a hundred times. Instead, ask something that actually matters to you. A good question brings the other person into the moment and gives them a reason to stay there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Connect with anyone quickly<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When you understand how someone is wired, you can speak in a way that makes them feel seen from the start. It’s called the Platinum Rule, where you treat others how they would treat themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf we treat others the way they want to be treated<\/em>,\u201d says Vanessa, \u201cwe bond quicker, we build trust more quickly, we deepen connection<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To do this well, she recommends using the Big Five personality framework:<\/p>\n\n\n\n