"So why am I taking this quest? I need help just to let go."

I am 44 years old and probably for the past 20 years I have hopped around from opportunity to opportunity to try to get to my financial goals. Along the way I got better paying jobs one after the other but I always knew that to be wealthy I needed to invest and own my own business. I've been burnt so many times over the years that today I paid 60-70% of my salary to pay off bad investments. Had I done nothing I would have been better off. Over the past 3 years I have been retrenched twice. Being replaced by younger and cheaper employees. Today I am sitting at home, as I've been retrenched again, due to the tough economic climate we find ourselves in. I am stuck inside due to lockdown and daily I get irritated and frustrated at my mother-in law for all the stuff she does that is totally against how I want it done in my home. My inlaws really get on my nerves. They are not nice people. They've meddled in my marriage from the wedding day up to today and my family has never involved themselves. which really gets me angry. Telling them to quit causes fights on ongoing basis. So I keep it in and get angry with myself. Lockdown makes it worse, because there is no escaping. I struggle to control my thoughts. My wife gets on my nerves sometimes and I think of the shitty things she's done in the past. I need to remind myself how grateful I am I have her in my life. Even though we've been through some terrible times, she has been amazing. So why am I taking this quest? I need help just to let go. To take control of my life and destiny. I have these huge goals that I want to achieve. I want to start a business. I want my investments to start looking after me and not where I am continuously paying towards it. I want a holistic happy life that includes good health, I want to eat healthy. I was training before lockdown, so I'd like to get back into the routine, but I have an idea of how I want to look, which is achievable. I want money and a beautiful home. I want the businesses and the nice car. I want to travel, but most importantly I want to give back. My dad, my siblings, my family and the community I grew up in.