"These past few weeks I had a large awakening"

Had mini awakenings throughout life with spurts of growth and connectedness - then cyclically revert and wallow in level one victimhood. Level one has always seemed like the default real me that I have been working on, trying to fix with this practice or that. These past few weeks I had a large awakening where I saw that the level one self was just made of thoughts - it wasn’t real. The real me is the level four spacious consciousness. I’m learning that rather than trying to climb from level to level it’s a matter of surrendering each level to reveal the level four we already are.