This Lifebook journey has further highlighted how I’ve been asleep at life for the past 40+ years

This Lifebook journey has further highlighted how I’ve been asleep at life for the past 40+ years. It brought sadness to realize, had I known what I am learning now, I could have been so much more, made better, mindful decisions. Fear, sadness, and resistance have hit me for the past two weeks, all I wanted to do was ignore, block, curl up, hide and avoid all the feelings of failure at a love relationship, as a parent, in my career. Throughout my self-development journey, a certain awareness would arise and I would take steps to move forward, to love myself unconditionally, to believe in myself, to trust in myself and to let go of feelings of inadequacy. However, this was not sustainable, there would be a situation(s) that triggers something inside me and I spiral down into that place of darkness and hopelessness. The decision to join Mindvalley and Lifebook at the beginning of this year was another actionable step forward in my personal development. I dived right in with so much excitement and hope, the first 5 categories in Lifebook were amazing, it had to do with the inner me and I shined because it affirmed all the work that I have been doing thus far. Then, categories 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 arrived. Category 6 (Love Relationships) and Category 7 (Parenting), sent me into a tailspin as it was coupled with two triggering events one fine Sunday (funny how the universe works its magic!). I wanted to recoil and just stop, not feel any of it; however, where would that leave me? Exactly where I always return to: darkness and hopelessness. This time, I want to move forward and sustain moving forward. I want to heal and forgive myself. I want to grow and expand in all areas of my life. I want to be a solid role model for my daughters and one day, have them acknowledge hopefully the positive impact I had on their lives. I want more for myself, I want clarity and to envision creating my best life. I can see the value of this community as long as I choose to lean in and share my story and experiences and I hope it provides inspiration to those on their own journey. I want to forge relationships and friendships that add and elevate me as I continue on my journey of making myself whole. I am grateful to you for reading my story and invite you to reach out so we may connect, grow, become expansive and be a source of support to each other. For my career, it is time to focus on shifting from my current environment to an environment that models and elevates the best in humanity. And so, the story continues.